Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Shortest Short Story Ever!

cid:1.3469515743@web35006.mail.mud.yahoo.com

The student was.....

An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to his Class on the Problem Science has with GOD, the ALMIGHTY. He asked one of his New Christian Students to stand and . . .

Professor :
You are a Christian, aren't you, son ?
Student :
Yes, sir.
Professor :
So, you Believe in GOD ?
Student :
Absolutely, sir.
Professor :
Is GOD Good ?
Student :
Sure.
Professor :
Is GOD ALL - POWERFUL ?
Student :
Yes.
Professor :
My Brother died of Cancer even though he Prayed to GOD to Heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill.
But GOD didn't. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?


(Student was silent )


Professor :
You can't answer, can you ? Let's start again, Young Fella.
Is GOD Good?
Student :
Yes.
Professor :
Is Satan good ?
Student :
No.
Professor :
Where does Satan come from ?
Student :
From . . . GOD . . .
Professor :
That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this World?
Student :
Yes.
Professor :
Evil is everywhere, isn't it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student :
Yes.
Professor :
So who created evil ?


(Student did not answer)


Professor :
Is there Sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness?
All these terrible things exist in the World, don't they?
Student :
Yes, sir.
Professor :
So, who Created them ?

(Student ha
d no answer)


Professor :
Science says you have 5 Senses you use to Identify and Observe the World around you.
Tell me, son . . . Have you ever Seen GOD?
Student :
No, sir.
Professor :
Tell us if you have ever Heard your GOD?
Student :
No , sir.
Professor :
Have you ever Felt your GOD, Tasted your GOD, Smelt your GOD?
Have you ever had any Sensory Perception of GOD for that matter?
Student :
No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Professor :
Yet you still Believe in HIM?
Student :
Yes.
Professor :
According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student :
Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor :
Yes,Faith. And that is the Problem Science has.

Student :
Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor :
Yes.
Student :
And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor :
Yes.
Student :
No, sir. There isn't.


(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events )


Student :
Sir, you can have Lots of Heat, even More Heat, Superheat, Mega Heat, White Heat,
a Little Heat or No Heat.
But we don't have anything called Cold.
We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is No Heat, but we can't go any further after that.
There is no such thing as Cold.
Cold is only a Word we use to describe the Absence of Heat.
We cannot Measure Cold.
Heat is Energy.
Cold is Not the Opposite of Heat, sir, just the Absence of it.


(There was Pin-Drop Silence in the Lecture Theatre )


Student :
What about Darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as Darkness?
Professor :
Yes. What is Night if there isn't Darkness?
Student :
You're wrong again, sir.
Darkness is the Absence of Something

You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light . . .
But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and its called Darkness, isn't it?
In reality, Darkness isn't.
If it is, were you would be able to make Darkness Darker, wouldn't you?
Professor :
So what is the point you are making, Young Man ?
Student :
Sir, my point is your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor :
Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student :
Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality.
You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a Good GOD and a Bad GOD.
You are viewing the Concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure.
Sir, Science can't even explain a Thought.
It uses Electricity and Magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.
To view Death as the Opposite of Life is to be ignorant of the fact that
Death cannot exist as a Substantive Thing.

Death is Not the Opposite of Life: just the Absence of it.
Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your Students that they evolved from a Monkey?
Professor :
If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes, of course, I do.
Student :
Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?


(The Professor shook his head with a Smile, beginning to realize where the Argument was going )


Student :
Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and
Cannot even prove that this Process is an On-Going Endeavor,
Are you not teaching your Opinion, sir?
Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?


(The Class was in Uproar )


Student :
Is there anyone in the Class who has ever seen the Professor's Brain?

(The Class broke out into Laughter )


Student :
Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's Brain, Felt it, touched or Smelt it? . .
No one appears to have done so.

So, according to the Established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol,
Science says that You have No Brain, sir.
With all due respect, sir, how do we then Trust your Lectures, sir?


(The Room was Silent. The Professor stared at the Student, his face unfathomable)


Professor :
I guess you'll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student :
That is it sir . . . Exactly !

The Link between Man & GOD is FAITH.
That is all that Keeps Things Alive and Moving.



That student was Albert Einstein.

NB:

I believe you have enjoyed the Conversation . . . and if so . .
You'll probably want your Friends / Colleagues to enjoy the same . . won't you?

Forward them to Increase their Knowledge . . . or
FAITH.

Wedding invitation from a pissed off mother-in-law







I'll give you two reasons why he's marrying her!


Stress Exercise - It works! haha

"Do These Facial Exercises every two hours . . . It is good for your stress relief"

Be warned about concerning stares from colleagues!



[]

Stupid Husband

A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet,Romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared
on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around
the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two
tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again...

I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me..'


The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!.. The husband became 92 years old!!!


The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful idiots should remember fairies are females

SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A

GOOD LAUGH .... AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN HANDLE IT

Proud to be an Indian

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.


So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China .


On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
"$10,000 per call".


The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by
what the telephone was used for.


The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.


Next stop was in Japan . There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the
Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.


He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China
and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
He could talk to God.


"O.K., thank you," said the American.


He then traveled to Pakistan , Srilanka , Russia , Germany and France

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same
"$10,000 per call" sign under it.


The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India
to see if Indians had the same phone.


He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read

"One Rupee per call."


The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign."Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,

But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.


Why is it so cheap here?"


Readers, it is your turn........Think ......before you scroll down...


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The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call".

This is the only heaven on the Earth.

The Ostrich Story..really funny!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich,
'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40
please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change
for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A
hamburger, fries and a coke.'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same.'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the
waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a
salad,' says the man.

'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on
the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me, sir. How
do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every
time?'

'Well,' says the man, 'several years ago I was cleaning the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two
wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put
my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'

'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million
dollars
or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long
as you live!'
'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact
money is always there,' says the man.

The waitress asks, 'What's with the ostrich?'


The man sighs, pauses and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall
chick with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'


PS: Guys! Please be careful with what you wish for !!!